Poison Ivy’s Lair
/poison-ivy153
this is basically where i vomit emotions
sad but i don't think i would post to aethernet, i think during some points of your life you're just supposed to suffer
on finally surrendering to joy assassins https://paragraph.com/@ivy/killing-joy
what to post in here now hmmmmmm
i've had a lot of time to think about how you handle being hurt a lot, while being at your most vulnerable
i don't think i really have an answer yet but i think one thing you can't do is hold onto how things were before
i don't think i really have an answer yet but i think one thing you can't do is hold onto how things were before
used to be really skeptical of mindfulness but it's really good at recognizing your own reactions that would otherwise regard as mostly autonomic
in retrospect one thing i wish i had started doing forever ago is a gratitude journal
it's easy to get down on yourself considering a brief moment in time or even a short period but i think most ppl accomplish a lot in their lives that it's easy to forget about
it's easy to get down on yourself considering a brief moment in time or even a short period but i think most ppl accomplish a lot in their lives that it's easy to forget about
reconciliation is such a rejuvenating process.
heavy day and i really struggle these days to be eloquent
it's a tough thing when memories of the most exciting times in your life are both joyous and painful
maybe it's enough to say life's complicated and sometimes if you knew the cost of doing the right thing you'd have stayed far away from doing it
it's a tough thing when memories of the most exciting times in your life are both joyous and painful
maybe it's enough to say life's complicated and sometimes if you knew the cost of doing the right thing you'd have stayed far away from doing it
it's tough to commit to not giving up when it feels like you're shouldering so much more, but sometimes you really just have to walk that high wire without looking down while blindfolded
there was another ivy at a trans support group call tonight, so i'm purple ivy and she's red ivy from now on
ready for the next step.
have a lot of uncertainty still but i do now know there are multiple people that i can pick up the phone or message and receive support from even at my messiest and i think that's really something
talked about not going back with my therapist this week
even after everything I can see a confidence that I didn't have before, I think confidence can be saying no even though you have the ability to say yes
even after everything I can see a confidence that I didn't have before, I think confidence can be saying no even though you have the ability to say yes
@dwr.eth the bots have found my channel pls silence them except for aethernet
i really wish i was a real woman.
expression of Dionysian excess tomorrow night, then back to working on world-changing things
@sonyasupposedly said recent events are another phoenix arc for me, I think it's THE phoenix arc
@sonyasupposedly said recent events are another phoenix arc for me, I think it's THE phoenix arc
testing posting melodrama from new laptop
o how cruel are the fates, furthermore,
o how cruel are the fates, furthermore,
this chart from @christin really hit when i saw it, even more now because i realized something about informed optimism
people that enforce optimism do it from a place of uninformed optimism wrt people whose experiences they don't share
positivity gurus grate on me only when their dogma graduates to judgement
people that enforce optimism do it from a place of uninformed optimism wrt people whose experiences they don't share
positivity gurus grate on me only when their dogma graduates to judgement
i've been able to do some of my best work in ever this week!
being at 100% for the first time in probably ever is thrilling in the way that the hedonist mansion parties used to be thrilling to me (some still are!)
being at 100% for the first time in probably ever is thrilling in the way that the hedonist mansion parties used to be thrilling to me (some still are!)
i have things to talk about and creative sparks but in the other place it just seems like a vortex of meaningless words
'based', 'cooked', 'you can just do things'
what does any of it mean? i discovered in a very direct way those things meant 'loyalty to tribe over fellow human'
'based', 'cooked', 'you can just do things'
what does any of it mean? i discovered in a very direct way those things meant 'loyalty to tribe over fellow human'
i watched a lot of friends disappear into the SF vortex of status and come out almost unrecognizable, i think it's kind of like when high school friends go to different universities
people change but i think there has to be a seed of something for ppl to be mean to others just because they can
people change but i think there has to be a seed of something for ppl to be mean to others just because they can
i never thought i'd be able to post a picture of myself without makeup and see a beautiful woman looking back, that I'd see someone confident and resolute and someone who knows that she can do anything
I'm looking forward to getting to know her
I'm looking forward to getting to know her
i don't want things to always be a fight, but sometimes it seems that way
i've seen what the cost can be of seductive calls of belonging, and they're just another kind of box that i'd have to leave some part of me behind to fit in
i've seen what the cost can be of seductive calls of belonging, and they're just another kind of box that i'd have to leave some part of me behind to fit in
taking steps to something new this weekend and reflecting on how i got to this point
living outside of boxes is hard, but every time i've thought about diving back into one something happens that shows me i don't belong there
living outside of boxes is hard, but every time i've thought about diving back into one something happens that shows me i don't belong there
even before Dec I was feeling disillusioned by gray tribe and i think it took sarah mcbride to figure out why: gray tribe is where you go to avoid a fight
i think that's why more often than not trans grays will obey in advance the ppl who want to other trans ppl out of society
i think that's why more often than not trans grays will obey in advance the ppl who want to other trans ppl out of society
i'm very grateful for seemingly always being able to be find my way to where i'm meant to be <3
the last year has been tough in a lot of ways, but most of all it engendered a lot of fear in using my voice as i have in the past
i did that today, and got a DM saying how it helped someone deal with these unprecedented times and it made everything worth it
i did that today, and got a DM saying how it helped someone deal with these unprecedented times and it made everything worth it
it's been a long time since i really cried over SA, i know that's progress and I should be happy about it but all i can feel is being mad and sad over being so weak
going from egirl to normal human being is so nice!!!!!!!!!!!
not saying i won't go back post surgery but man is that an unhealthy ecosystem
not saying i won't go back post surgery but man is that an unhealthy ecosystem
honestly think i can say i'm at 100% now and it's really thrilling!
transformational women's circle tonight!
really understand forgiveness for things i'll never see accountability from others for now
really understand forgiveness for things i'll never see accountability from others for now
never thought i would become a 'women's circle' girl but they've played such a big part in my transition and healing too
just so happy to be here <3
binging law and order!
I often think about working within systems vs outside of them, I wonder if on a long enough time horizon all outsiders are ineffective
I often think about working within systems vs outside of them, I wonder if on a long enough time horizon all outsiders are ineffective
spoke to a few other trans ppl and i think a lot of us have the same sense:
we don't know how bad its going to get but we're not going back into the closet or otherwise disappearing
i feel so empowered now, way more than I ever did when I was getting DM's every other day from strangers saying how much I inspired them
we don't know how bad its going to get but we're not going back into the closet or otherwise disappearing
i feel so empowered now, way more than I ever did when I was getting DM's every other day from strangers saying how much I inspired them
not much that upsets me anymore, and i wake up ready to build
i could not have imagined, as little as a year ago that i would ever get to this point much less get to it so quickly with so few changes
i could not have imagined, as little as a year ago that i would ever get to this point much less get to it so quickly with so few changes
doing a lot of waiting this month, and there's an odd calm and peace to everything
not because i have everything figured out, but because i think i'm where i need to be and doing what i need to be doing
it's taken a lot to get to this point and i'm really grateful 🖤
not because i have everything figured out, but because i think i'm where i need to be and doing what i need to be doing
it's taken a lot to get to this point and i'm really grateful 🖤
dealing with the general anti-trans zeitgeist in my own way which is mostly doing it alone
i think not much has changed for me really, not going to avoid living life even if the consequences of doing so are now serious injury or death
i think not much has changed for me really, not going to avoid living life even if the consequences of doing so are now serious injury or death
happier than i ever have been, and i think it's not just due to no longer having chronic pain
used to be really regretful of falling in with a misogynist community during a formative time, but when you can survive what I went through you know without any doubts who you are
used to be really regretful of falling in with a misogynist community during a formative time, but when you can survive what I went through you know without any doubts who you are
it's been tough for me to accept, given on what the reaction has been to other ppl who have told stories of sexual assault that if i was a pretty cis girl more ppl might have cared / the event where it happened might have not just ignored it
but play the hand you're dealt etc
but play the hand you're dealt etc
reflections on humanity lately: none!
the way ppl exit the very online reality show (the fortunate ones) is no longer writing threads on philosophy or whatever and just living life
cc @sonyasupposedly i obvs have some personal experience that makes me biased in this way but i really think you did things right
the way ppl exit the very online reality show (the fortunate ones) is no longer writing threads on philosophy or whatever and just living life
cc @sonyasupposedly i obvs have some personal experience that makes me biased in this way but i really think you did things right
looking at the world through new eyes for a bunch of reasons is really exhilarating but really scary too
so grateful for both this next chapter and being fully ready for it
so grateful for both this next chapter and being fully ready for it
poison ivy costume done, cannot wait for party tomorrow
first hate comments on my blog are from a somewhat well known substack person sooooo winning ig
